Wherever I go these days on the Internet, and see religion being discussed, there is always one idiot in the discussion who derived the sum total of his or her education from a Bazooka Bubble Gum wrapper or from “That Guy I Know”. You can tell who the speed bumps are when they come out with intellectual gems such as, “Religion is responsible for every war ever fought!” This is one hundred percent USDA certified pure MALARKY. Now, as you know, history is written by the victors, and therefore every history book is bunk. Just ask any high school Obama supporter, I mean teacher, and they will tell you that history is only valid when it goes like this, “White men are evil and religions start wars. The end.”
However, for people like me, who have never submitted to a lobotomy, truth is a little more hard-nosed than Ms. Moonbeamdickweed’s “Make Up Knowledge and It’s Real Because Patchouli” Class. I think if you’re going to make a statement like, “Religions started all the wars,” and I’m in the room, you’d better damned well have checked your facts, because I LIVE to humiliate lefties which, admittedly is a bit of a waste of time because I have yet to see one admit to making an error. But I digress…..
Let’s begin with one of the longer, bloodier wars out of ancient history, the Peloponnesian War. fought by Sparta against the Athenians, this epoch-shattering conflict started when Sparta, busy with a series of attacks against Attica, was attacked by the naval forces of Athens, anxious to bolster their image as a dominant power. The Peloponneisan War went on for 27 years, and every conflict that was part of it was about military might and the desire for expanded territory. At no point did religion become a point of contention in this war.
Let’s zippetydoo-dah to the 14th century and the Hundred Years’ war. This conflict raged from 1337 to 1360. I know: that’s not a hundred years. Let’s not split hairs! In any case, this series of conflicts, fought between France and England, began when King Edward III of England set his sights on asserting a claim to the throne of France, held at that time by Philip VI. The hostilities spilled into England’s southern coast, Flanders, Brittany, and a host of other territories. However, make no mistake: this war was all about territory and disputed claims to the throne of France. Religion had not a blessed thing to do with it.
Since I don’t want to bore the hell out of you, let’s skip to the 20th century and Vietnam. As many of you know, the roots of this conflict lie in the maintaining of French commercial interests in the region. Ho Chi Minh, with support from the Soviet Union, some support from the People’s Republic of China, and a great deal of chutzpah, proceeded to fight to undo French territorial claims and to seize the commercial interests of the West. I will not presume to debate Communism vs. Capitalism here. However, I will state emphatically that at no point did the Vatican, the Protestant churches, the Muslim Brotherhood, or the Dalai Lama send troops into Vietnam to pacify the infidel. Once again, religion had nothing to do with it.
I could go on and on: the American Revolution, the Battle of Hastings, the War of 1812, Queen Ann’s War, the War of Spanish Succession, the Russian Revolution, the War of the Roses, the Franco Prussian War, the French and Indian War, the Indian Rebellion of 1857, the Sino-Japanese Wars, the Ruso-Finnish conflict, the Trojan War, the Algerian War, the Austro-Prussian War, the Indo-Pakistani War, the Continuation War, the Bosnian War, the Japanese Invasions of Korea int he 16th Century, the Iran-Iraq War, the War of Attrition, the Battle of the Atlantic, the Battle of Midway, the Investiture Controversy, Thermopylae, the Cisplatine War, the Polish-Russian War of 1792, the Burgundian Wars, the Servile Wars, the Spanish-American War, the Ragamuffin War, the War of the Regulation, and so on ad nauseam. NONE of these wars were instigated by, fought over, or finished by, ANY of the world’s religions. So, whenever you see a Lobotomite foaming at the mouth about how religion started so many wars, cite the list I just gave you, point out that it’s incomplete, and then thrash the momo.
A Smug Atheist: Note How He Is Hopped Up On Goofballs.